The Strive For Perfection

 How come every women's goal is to eat better, workout more, get skinnier, and fit into a size 0?? It is because of all the media around us! We are bombarded with articles, books, magazines, and TV shows on how to achieve these things. Why do we look at celebrities and judge them if they are chunky or too skinny? All we do is care about the outer appearance of those around us. I am completely guilty of all this. A few years ago it all started with me wanting to clean up my eating and lose a little weight. I started reading nutrition articles and keeping a food diary. I become completely obsessed with nutrition and exercise. I went from 130 lbs. to 105 lbs very quickly and it wasn't until one of my friends told me that I was starting to look unhealthy. I developed a little voice inside my head that told me I was fat and made me feel guilty for everything I ate or if I did not work out. This little voice also made me deny that I had a problem. I went to doctors because I was constantly dizzy and weak. Why didn't one of them confront my eating issues? Because no one wants to be the one to ask someone if they are eating enough or if they have an eating disorder. I would not let myself eat more then 1200 calories a day because that is what the fitness magazines told I needed.  That is a load of crap! 1200 calories a day is very little and dangerous for my size and activity level.

I never had full blown anorexia, but I was on my way. I still ate food throughout the day, but cut out all fat and did not allow a lot of carbs. Wow was my energy low, and I was very unhappy. Carbs give you energy and boost your mood, so no wonder I was feeling this way...

 BEFORE

AFTER

I finally realized that I had a problem and was very unhappy I got a lot of support from family and friends. I attended therapy sessions and tried to avoid weight loss magazines and nutrition labels to help me keep my thoughts away from food and weight. It was extremely difficult and one of the hardest things that I have dealt with in my life. I was always filled with anxiety, and was constantly thinking about my next meal or how many calories I had ate. If I ate too much ice cream or treats I would dwell on it and beat myself up. I stopped weighing myself and stopped counting every little calorie that I put into my mouth. I have come along way from then, and still find myself everyday battling the negative self-image talk. I battle with that little voice all the time, telling me to not eat that or to exercise more. I have finally been able to eat what I want, when I want. After reading "Intuitive Eating", I was scared to death to start letting myself eat whatever I want as the book recommends. I though for sure I would gain a ton of weight and go back to eating fast food and crap all the time. I was suprised on my food choices. I still wanted very healthy food, but maybe wanted to add a few things here a there. I don't binge on goodies anymore because I'm not depriving myself. It is amazing what happens when you listen to your body! It tells you what it needs. I still have days when i feel "fat"and worthless, but I know those days something else is really bothering me and I need to confront that issue first!

I know that i have gotten very personal during this blog post, but I really want to get my story out there and help those that are struggling like I did. It is not worth it, and you can really hurt your body in the long run. You can hurt your liver, thyroid, etc... It is actually more unhealthy to be extremely skinny, then a little chubby. Eating disorders don't happen overnight and starts out with innocent nutrition or fitness changes. You start feeling better and skinnier, and start getting more comments. You still don't feel skinny enough and you keep going. That is how women get to 80lbs and still feel fat.

Women are meant to have some curve for child bearing purposes. We are meant to crave fatty foods during out time of the month, and we are definitely not able to build muscle and lose weight as fast as men. That is just how women work! It is something that we need to accept and quit "striving for perfection!"

For those of you out there struggling with disordered eating, there is hope. I read "Living with Ed", "Intuitive Eating", and many other books and articles out there to help. My suggestion to you is to stay away from magazines like Women's Health, etc... They will only put wrong thoughts into you head. Also, memoirs of women with eating disorders were not good for me either because they put thoughts and ideas in my head on how to loose weight.  Try not to weigh yourself everyday, and do not count every calorie that goes into you mouth. It easier said then done, but I promise, your mind will be clearer! You will start to enjoy life! Start doing things you love! Writing, yoga, walking, etc. to get you mind of those things.

Don't get me wrong I am not perfect, and still struggle with certain things each day. I still am a little obsessed with nutrition and health, but my motives are not geared toward losing weight and burning calories. Instead it is to eat right to fuel my body and stay active for health

I love this article and found it on another blog post here.... It is for every women that struggle with self-image issues, not just anorexics!

This is the woman that wrote this article, and used to struggle with anorexia

“THIS GOES OUT TO ALL ANOREXICS“

Pauline Nordin | Pauline’s Ramble… |http://www.fighterdiet.com/blog/

“I see myself as a strong, confident woman. I’m meticulous with my diet, my training and I have extreme body image requirements and expectations. I do not want to be semi-fit, off season smooth or “buffly curvy”. I like my body to have feminine curves as in round glutes, shapely, strong defined legs, ripped midsection, a chiseled back with lots of interesting details and striated shoulders. Does it take some “3 times a week cardio and sound balanced diet with soy, yoghurt, some fruit and granola? Heck, no! It takes serious commitment, some craziness and stubborn personality til the cows come home. What I strive for is something the body perceives as extreme and body does not like any extremes at all. How you do it then? Well, you dance tango with it, you take the lead, let the body feel comfortable. It’s like seducing that lover, you gotta go a few extra miles, be gentle, be charmy, be understanding and sooner or later (mostly later) you’ll win the game.

I come from a past of eating disorders as a young teen. I thought eating nothing and doing 500 situps a day would make me thin and “all muscle”. I did get a six pack from it, but no way did I achieve a tight, muscular, lean, petite physique that way. Oh no, quite the opposite. All Igot was skinny fat. I was thin, but thighs were “vibrating” when I walked, arms didn’t have definition and my butt was flat.

Ladies, you who are battling the mental war with fake friend anorexia and then in some lucky way find the gym and turn it into an oasis: don’t turn it into a prison! You are not in control cause you can see all your ribs sticking out. You don’t look strong by having 5 inches between your thighs! You cannot cardio yourself to a firm body. You will never look like a fitness model by being scared of eating.

When you don’t eat yes you get skinny. But you’re losing mostly muscle. You burn down the house and lower your metabolism. Your thyroid sgets signals from your brain to inhibit burning calories. All your cells get blocked from the metabolism-increasing thyroid hormones. Your cortisol hormones break down more and more muscle to save yourself and to reduce your calorie expenditure. I know you think a super low heart rate and blood pressure are signs of fitness, but it’s not: it’s a sign your body’s fighting against your burning too many calories. Your liver will start loading in fats so you end up with fatty infiltration in your liver. It’s a typical starvation mechanism. Your hormones will drop down to super low levels which is actually an aging symptom.

You can directly see a difference between an anorexic person and someone who is just training hard to be shredded. The two looks are very different. And, someone who is into looking fit and athletic will never sacrifice muscle by not eating and doing excessive cardio training.

If you are scared of letting “fake friend Anorexia” go and start over, and I know there is a kind of feeling like you are in power when you have your demon on your side, think about it: do you want to be a fragile woman? Do you want to be a slave under your own belief you shall be less than 90 lbs? Do you feel it makes you powerful? Does it make you feel great? It’s not a trophy to be the skinniest in the gym. It’s not a trophy to be scared of food. It’s not a merit to be able to not eat.

To be able to control your feelings, to control your diet so it nourishes you and enables you to be healthy and look the way you want is powerful. I don’t think you want to look like a skeleton deep down, do you? I meet many women who think they should starve to look like me for instance when it’s the last thing I do! I did not come to where I am now by not eating! The key is not being able to say no to all food. The key is to know what you need to do and do what’s good for you.

When I look at all celebs who are obviously starving themselves I wonder what makes them choose that body ideal. There is no gain for that at all. It’s more unhealthy than being chubby, it’s less attractive than being a full figure. All it signals is “poor soul”. Do you want others to feel that way about you? feeling pity when they see you? In my opinion that would be embarrassing. I don’t want people to look at me and think “oh, my, she must be so unhappy!”. That’s failure!

Be strong, be brave, be powerful, be real women! Say bye bye to Anorexia and say hello to the gym and right nutrition!”